Wednesday, March 9, 2011

miss ya dad....

original post September 20, 2010

My dad passed away Sunday morning.  Eight months after sharing his diagnosis of pancreatic cancer with us, he drew his last breath in the arms of his wife.  My dad is now shouting and dancing in heaven.
I got the call Sunday morning as I was sitting in video control during first service.  I knew what the call was about before the first ring ended and even before I answered the phone.  I was up and headed out the church door when as I heard Teresa say mom called and needed to get to the house as fast as possible.  I arrive just a few minutes after he passed away.  I was about giddy with joy and at the same time tears of sorrow streamed down my face.  Mom fell into my arms and we cried together.
I remember an excerpt from my last note….
It will be that moment that where every fiber of my being will mourn the loss of my dad, the loss of his voice in my ears, his hugs, his smile. But it will also be the moment that I will utter the words of ‘welcome home dad’. Because in my soul I will be rejoicing with dad –and jealous of him!- for he gets to see the glory of God, he will receive the reward for which he unselfishly gave much here on earth for.  
It was so exactly like I thought it would be.  But the emotion was so much deeper than I expected.  At times I just wanted to shout and praise God and other times I just wanted to punch God in the face.  From one extreme to the other, though, there was a peace that would not let me go…no matter how irreverent my emotional state may be in.  I can’t believe how good God is and how he blessed not only me and my family but even how His hand of providence carried dad through the last eight months of these disease.  Yet, I cant believe that God allowed dad to go through this.  And that God wouldn’t hear my prayers and heal dad so I could have more time with him on this earth. 
I don’t have a pretty ending here to wrap up this blog post.  As I sit here and write this, it’s a little over fourteen hours ago since I walked through the door and heard my dad had died.  I still have that emotional battle going on in me.  The one thing that I can hold on to was that dad held onto to Jesus tightly over the years.  Because of that I know, without a doubt, where he is right now.  And beyond anything this world could offer, dad is so very much healthier and happier.
Today, this world got a lot worse and heaven got a lot better.  I love you dad, will miss you till I see you again.


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